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Three WITCHES, IVANKA (Trump's daughter with Ivana), TIFFANY (Trump's daughter with Marla Maples) and Melania (Trump's current wife) are
dressed as glamorous witches in black gowns and witch hats. They are making a witches brew in a large cauldron over a fire in a dark wood.
WITCHES (together)
Fair is foul and foul is fair
We hover through the filthy air
Double, Double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
WITCH IVANKA
Tiffany, your mother Marla took my father from my mother, Ivana.
WITCH TIFFANY
Ivanka, your father said it was OK to call you a piece of ass.
WITCH MELANIA
And I Melania, MacTrump was groping pussy while I was pregnant.
WITCHES (together)
PussyGate!
Round about the cauldron go
In the poisoned entrails throw in
MacTrump's insulted women.
Like a hell broth bubble and toil
Let MacTrump's sins boil.
Cool it with some menstrual blood
Then the charm is firm and good.
(They throw small dolls into the cauldron.)
WITCHES (together)
Pigs, slobs, disgusting animals, Michelle the Baby - Nasty Chelsea - Rude Crude Rosie - Ginsburg the Faker - Bimbo Megan - Ugly Midler - Cher the
Loser - Piggy Machado.
WITCH TIFFANY
Pity no macho men came out to defend them.
WITCHES (together)
Wiccans now we curse MacTrump who treated us as broads he'd dump,
Hark I hear the Thane's approaching speedy steed!
WITCH MELANIA
He wants to know our predictions after the election.
WITCH IVANKA
Hark, now returns the Thane from his campaign.
WITCH TIFFANY
Although he didn't lose, his future fate is ours to choose.
(CLAP of THUNDER. Orange smoke rises from the cauldron. MACTRUMP enters.)
MACTRUMP (to himself)
Let darkness hide my wicked ambitions
The work the hand must do for the eye to see - is the Tweet.
I said I'd make America great again
A promise I made so I could win.
(to the WTICHES)
How now you secret midnight hags - what are you up to now?
WITCHES (together)
Oh noble MacTrump - come warm by the fire.
Let us know your desire.
MACTRUMP
You devils, fat asses, pale worms, bleeding from your eyes.
I call upon you in the name of your bigly art.
How 'er you come to know that I would be President. Answer me!
(SOUND of coughing. SUPER BITCH WITCH HECATE, HILARIOUS CLINTON comes flying onstage on her broomstick with mike at the end.)
WITCHES (together)
Greetings Hecate, Hilarious Clinton, Super Bitch Witch. You look angry.
HILARIOUS HECATE
Have I no reason as you are saucy and overbold.
How dare you traffic with MacTrump in politics!
(She bangs MACTRUMP on the head with her mike. He falls in a trance to his knees and tries to kiss her boots.)
MACTRUMP
Oh you hugely nagging hideous damsel
With your illegal email scandals.
Where have you been all my life?
(He tries to grope her.)
HILARIOUS HECATE
You called me crooked devil
My husband a pedophile
You wanted to lock me up
To make me shut up
You won the election that you fought
But your term will be cut short.
Go bully, spin and brag
Yet fear our women's rag.
MACTRUMP
How can I trust your words?
HILARIOUS HECATE
And who would trust yours?
WITCHES (together)
Only deplorable bores.
HILARIOUS HECATE
You will be President.
WITCH IVANKA
But can you recite the constitution by heart?
WITCH TIFFANY
Will you disclose your taxes?
WITCH MELANIA
Will you ask the Russians to stop hacking?
(They sing from the melody "I Don't Want To Be A Hero" by 'Johnny Hates Jazz' 1987.)
WITCH MELANIA
I will have to be first lady
But all I want is to be free,
WITCH IVANKA
I don't want to be a surrogate wife
All I want is my own fashion line.
WITCH TIFFANY
I don't want to be a political swinger
I just want to be a pop singer.
HILARIOUS HECATE
People were tired of my political correctness.
But you have made a media mess
And disgraced political debate
You will be President
Until Birnam wood comes to Dunsianne
Can you show remorse?
MACTRUMP
My Towers will be the White House!
I cut the trees to make a golf course!
WITCHES (together)
A new forest and trees will spell the end of thee!
MACTRUMP
I will make America great.
Your prophecies are a mistake.
(MACTRUMP crawls offstage. All the WITCHES cackle.)
WITCHES (together)
Oh, well done, all black spirits free the women in the cauldron
(Pink smoke rises from the cauldron.)
HILARIOUS HECATE
Our pains will have gains
And now about the cauldron sing
And free all unhappy women.
WITCHES (together)
Fair is foul and foul is fair
We hover through the filthy air
Double, Double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
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